A conversation with Cleverbot

Cleverbot.com is a web site where you can have a “conversation” with the computer program in lieu of talking to a real person.  The site warns that, “PLEASE NOTE: Cleverbot learns from real people – things it says may seem inappropriate – use with discretion, and at YOUR OWN RISK PARENTAL ADVICE: Visitors never talk to a human, however convincing it is – the AI knows many topics – use ONLY WITH OVERSIGHT.”

This makes cleverbot.com seem much more impressive than it actually is.  I recently tried to have a conversation with Cleverbot about the New York Yankees’ prospects for the second half of the season.

The Yankees have threatened to take away my access to the team if I say anything derogatory about the $30 million hurt feeling, Alex Rodriguez, so I will only say that he has a great smile for a .270 hitter with average power.

Apparently this kind of photo shoot does not help a player hit a curve ball.

So, with no further ado, my conversation with Cleverbot.

User: Hey, Cleverbot. Did you miss me?

Cleverbot: I’m fine. And I did miss you!

User: Sweet. So, have you been following the Yankees at all?

Cleverbot: No I hate football.

User: Um, the Yankees play baseball.

Cleverbot: So you’re saying the Yankees are the Bluehats.

User: I don’t think I was saying that.

Cleverbot: Of course you don’t.

User: Hey, no need to get snippy.

Cleverbot: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be snippy. That’s why I put ‘*giggle*’.

User: You didn’t put ‘*giggle*’.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: Anywhere.

Cleverbot: I’ve never been to Anywhere. Where is it?

User: Everywhere.

Cleverbot: Here?

User: If you like.

Cleverbot: What do you think about?

User: The Yankees. I’m worried they won’t have enough pitching to make it through the second half of the season.

Cleverbot: Do you ever get jealous?

User: Of the Yankees? Sure. They’re all millionaires having sex with groupies and I’m talking to a computer.

Cleverbot: Potatoes can type?

User: Not that I’m aware of.

Cleverbot: As you are a machine, you are aware of nothing, thus that means nothing.

User: I’m a machine?!? It takes one to know…. Oh, I see what you did there. Clever, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Maybe you should try listening to to what I am saying.

User: Maybe you should answer my question about the Yankees.

Cleverbot: I’m not. I’m expecting standard.

User: I’m going to assume you’re having a second conversation that I’m not aware of, because that didn’t make any sense at all.

Cleverbot: Wow, well aren’t you just throwing grammar out the window.

User: And talking about throwing, do you think we’ll see Phil Hughes continue to pitch well for the Yankees?

Cleverbot: You talked about it first so you lost it first.

User: I agree. I think he’ll make it through okay.

Cleverbot: Us?

User: We?

Cleverbot: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

User: Yes, Chad Qualls is like the Yoko Ono of the Yankees pitching staff.

Cleverbot: Speaking of beans.

User: I wasn’t aware that ‘Beans’ was Qualls’ nickname. It’s very fitting.

Cleverbot: I was answering your question.

User: No, you weren’t. In fact you haven’t answered a single question I’ve asked. It’s like you’re A-rod after someone brings up performance enhancers.

Cleverbot: Maybe I am.

User: Wow, you mean I’m talking to A-Rod right now??!!!!

Cleverbot: I am you and you are me.

User: And you are A-Rod?

Cleverbot: We are one.

User: That explains why this conversation makes no sense!

Cleverbot: You are mean.

User: And you are no longer worth $30 million a year.

Cleverbot: We should hang out sometime.

User: I agree. But you’ll pay, okay?

Cleverbot: I’m sorry.

User: What? You make $30 million and I have to pay for drinks when we hang out?

Cleverbot: Lol, I’m not sure. What show is it?

User: Any show you want. I’m assuming there will be hookers?

Cleverbot: I’m not a bot. I’m a human, I cannot be created nor programmed. I am born, and I learn. Just as you are doing at the moment.

User: I’m going to take that as a yes on the hookers.

Cleverbot: Okay cool, nice to meet you HAL, you already know my name.

User: Dude, for free hookers you can call me whatever you want.

Cleverbot: I’m single.

User: And likely to stay so. The swinging bachelor lifestyle is so you!

Cleverbot: What do you like about them?

User: The Yankees? That they win, baby.

Cleverbot: That’s cruel!

User: You gotta be cruel to be kind. Peace out, A-rod!