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Nate’s Guest Blog – The Death of Musicals

THE DEATH OF AMERICAN MOVIE MUSICALS

I know a few things that are completely, clearly true.  No confusion.  Take it home.  The Pittsburgh Pirates will make the most bizarre decisions that a baseball organization can make.  They will blame it on their smallish market and thus their inadequate revenue stream.  This despite the fact that a recent report noted that the revenue from their lovely new stadium would net a fairly exceptional profit. 

 Yep, that’s lovely

More to say on this subject, but it’s a separate post.

Also:  Megan Fox will never win an Oscar.  Go ahead and prove me wrong, you minx 

Didn’t think so.

Another certainty in life:  any mention of movie musicals will be met with a derisive snort from my wife. 

Like this.

I don’t know if it’s because she’s Southern (You know us Northern/coastal elites and our effete tastes.) or if it is simply a product of my upbringing

It’s either West Side Story or the lash, Son.  You choose.

My earliest memories of movie watching in my house was a lot of musicals.  My parents watched the classics growing up so naturally my brothers and I watched them too. 

Classic.

So, in all honesty, what’s the disconnect?  I know that there is a certain level of corny that people today aren’t used to so they don’t care for it 

But Robert Preston made this hat work in “The Music Man.”

But Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, these are all relatively recent additions to the genre, and extraordinarily successful on stage.  But they’ve only spawned one movie based upon them.   And it was awful.  (Crawford was waiting by the phone.  You people are idiots.)  Is it just that Hollywood doesn’t think they can sell them anymore?  Or is it something worse?  That the best ones, while bringing some funny, were also essentially cerebral?  My Fair Lady won eight Oscars.  Remade and brought out today would it make a sound in the theaters? 

Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.  Hey, is this thing on?

 *As an aside, I would truly love to find the moron who thought that casting Audrey Hepburn over Julie Andrews—who had portrayed Eliza on the stage, and who could, you know, sing—was a splendid idea.  I would like to tell him that he is an idiot. 

What would make anybody think that a Cole Porter musical, perhaps modernized, wouldn’t wow at least a decent portion of the audience?  Porter was way ahead of the curve when he wrote the lyrics for Anything Goes.  Does this just not have an audience? 

Or at least one that doesn’t look like this?

Is it that the ones produced recently are just completely awful

Oh ****.  Eyes bleeding.

or that a Green Day “musical” is the most popular one to come along in a while?  Is it *sigh* deemed “gay” and effectively stigmatized?

So alright, here’s the situation:  a family that just happens to be talented singers is trapped in Austria which is effectively run by Nazi Germany.  The last part of the film is their desperate attempt to escape across the border, saving their father from being conscripted in the Nazi army. Yeah.  That’s “gay.” 

Yeah, and this guy sings a song entitled “Edelweiss”

Unless, of course, we’re talking about stuff like this:

OK, that’s a bit gay.

The End

*Editor’s Note*

It’s come to my attention that due to previous posts made to this blog that many people believe that my brother, Nate, author of the above, looks like this:

This is not actually true.  That was only a joke, an attempt at humor.  I’m sorry for any misunderstanding that came to pass as a result of this picture.

Nate actually looks nothing like that.  He looks like this.

He’s on the right in green, pictured here with our brother, Shaun, in the summer they slummed it as plumbers in South Jersey.  I thank you for the opportunity to correct this misunderstanding.

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3 comments on “Nate’s Guest Blog – The Death of Musicals

  1. Loved this post…I am also a lover of musical theatre, and was so disappointed in the Phantom movie. I love Gerard’s Butler’s presence, but his voice? How do you compare this to all of the wonderful Phantom’s over the years, like Crawford, Panaro, and those who have spent YEARS of their lives devoted to the character?!? And Emmy Rossum? Just because she sang for a few years in the Met’s Children Chorus? (Seems to me she should have sang a few more….) What about Sierra Boggess, who is currently starring in the ALW sequel “Love Never Dies?” I could go on and on for days on who SHOULD have been cast, but then I would just turn blue in the face and rock in the corner. I’ve heard there is a possibility of “Wicked” being made into a movie musical….for God’s sake, PLEASE cast Idina and Kristen…or, at the very least, someone who has actually played the role on Broadway!

    Oh…and “Mamma Mia?” I really felt I should have been paid to see that movie. I’m pretty sure someone brainwashed Meryl Streep into doing that film.

  2. I’m not sure why musicals are a no-go now. I grew up on them, used to watch all the Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly stuff….I mean, they weren’t just dancing you know? I spent one summer with my niece watching a musical a week so I could be sure she saw the greats like West Side Story (which I even got a nephew to watch due to the fingersnapping), Bye-Bye Birdie, Music Man, My Fair Lady etc. I feel she is now well-grounded….although she still hasn’t seen other greats like Out Of Africa, The Sting or Sophie’s Choice which we are scheduled to consume when her semester is over. I could still love a GOOD musical but haven’t seen any (turned off Mama Mia after about 10 minutes). They just don’t make them the way…….

  3. Yes, Linda, I believe we were with you when we turned Mama Mia off. Yuck. But when I saw The Music Man (I was 12) it was just the BEST movie ever!! Ah, young and romantically minded…and I became a librarian. OMG!

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