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Friday Night is Sports Night – Alternative Sports

I’m a sports fan.  I’m not going to apologize for that.  What will I apologize for?

Thinking these would look good on me.

I’ve spent a lot of time watching sports: baseball, basketball, football, hockey, soccer, lacrosse.  The big three, the lesser three.  And I’ve enjoyed them all in some respects.  Heck, I occasionally even watch things that aren’t so much sports as sports-related, like the NBA Draft.

Which features a lot of tall young men shaking hands with a midget.

I refused to watch “The Decision”, because it’s sad to watch an entire city of grown men cry.

Imagine, if you will, the sound of a million Clevelanders weeping.

But there aren’t really any new sports out there, are there?  You see new technology, vast improvement on existing technology and the only difference you see in professional sports is in presentation.

Short-shorts.  The rotary phone of sports.

So, where are the new sports?  What are we creating as a culture now to entertain some future generation?

Dwarf-tossing?

Unfortunately illegal in two states and Canada

Curling?

Not illegal in Canada, but very cold and moderately boring

Ultimate Frisbee?

Hmmmm. Next?

I’ve got to be honest, if these are our best choices then we’re leaving a poor sporting legacy to our children.

Also a poor musical legacy.  And we should be none too proud of that hair.

My suggestion?  Zombie escaping.  Can you imagine it?  Who are you rooting for, Bob?  I’ll ask.  The Garden Zombies, he’ll reply.

Which is ridiculous.  Everyone knows the Garden Zombies are the Pittsburgh Pirates of Zombie escaping.

Unlike the Nazi Zombies, who are like the Yankees! 

I don’t care how much that zombie on the left is asking for in free agency, he’s totally worth it!!!!! He’s like an unholy mixture of Colonel Klink & Derek Jeter!

But maybe the world isn’t ready for the exciting world of Zombie Escape.  Which leads us back to zero.  Nothing.  An empty legacy of sport to leave to our children and our grandchildren.  Well, I’ll think on it some more.  Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Other than Speed Etch-a-Sketch; that idea is mine.

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One comment on “Friday Night is Sports Night – Alternative Sports

  1. they seem to be improving computer games (more gore all the time) but nothing in the actual physical realm that might make kids run OUTSIDE once in a while…. Capture the flag used to be fun after dinner in the field out back….maybe they can nationalize that one. Duck Duck Goose?

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