Well, now that the casts are in place and a crapload of profit is guaranteed…
We’re going to need a bigger wheelbarrow.
Now it is time to announce the directors.
Which no doubt makes you giddy as a schoolboy.
Now, let’s be honest. A monkey could direct this movie with this cast and this property…
And he’s just dying to try.
But I think the American Audience deserves something other than the lowest common denominator. It deserves something special, one of a kind.
I think you know where I’m going with this. There is only one man who can deliver a version of Casablanca that meshes with the new American sensibility.
Mr. Michael Bay
I will now wait for those of you with delicate sensibilities to find a private corner in which to vomit. For the rest of us, a small diversion:
Have you heard about Pluto not being a planet? Messed up, right?
Mr. Bay will deliver action. He will deliver more action. And then more action. And our promise to you, we will keep him away from the script with a blood-drenched machete.
And thus is greatness created.
Now, as for the director for the parody…
We’ll go ahead and see what this monkey can do with a $50,000,000 budget. It can’t be worse than Battlefield Earth… can it?
No, it can’t.