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Compelling Arguments Against High Definition

So, I was watching The Daily Show the other day and boldly across the screen I saw the words that make my soul cringe, “Now available in High Definition.”

Now, I’m no technophile and every time I see a sporting event in high definition it awakens my inner child and takes it out for a stroll through Candyland.

With a few of my besties.

But self-deprecating humor is simply not enchanced by high definition.

Neither, sadly, is Jon Stewart.

In fact, I can think of only three types of programming that are enhanced by the great high definition process.  Sporting events, big-budget movies and …

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Shows.

Most everything else simply is better left to regular old TV magic.  Let me give you a few examples.

1.  Talking Heads

Sweet Jesus, the idea of this guy in high def makes my skin crawl.

Let’s face it, a lot of television features talking heads.  Usually of old, respectable gentleman, none of whom benefit from letting the viewer see how much man make-up has to be applied to make them look young and vigorous.

2.  Celebrity Acne

She is really a beautiful woman.

Magazines airbrush for a reason.  Celebrities are real women.  We just would prefer to pretend that they are not.

3.  Reality Television

Really the only way has-beens like Bret Michaels can remain relevant.

Man make-up again.  Now imagine this man being chased by a dozen women with no doubt scores of venereal diseases between them.  Now imagine it in high-def.   I’m so sorry.

4.  This guy will find his way onto your television.

This is actually a good hair day for Mr. Trump.

Sure The Apprentice is fading into the great obscurity of stale reality television.  But Donald Trump will survive to horrify us again.  Bank on it.

5.  We all love the lie.

We like to think that people on the tube are special and beautiful.  And they are.  But they become ugly in high-def.  If you are very brave, journey with me down the rabbit hole and see how things are transformed in high definition…

A beautiful women with a computer?

Not in high-def.

A polarizing political figure?

Or an adorable genetic cousin?

An award winning actor and hunk?

Or a screaming baboon?

I think I’ve made my point.

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One comment on “Compelling Arguments Against High Definition

  1. airbrush me now!!!!

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