I Am Not a Goat

So, in case anybody missed it, the stars in the sky have moved.  As a result of this you might not have the astrological sign you think you do. 

Ladies, this means that when this guy approaches you in the bar and asks what your sign is, you can add “ignorance” right next to “physical repulsion” on your reasons not to answer him.

You can see more about this here.  Now, I’m not a daily horoscope guy.  I share a birthday with my older brother and I refuse to believe that our days are always identical.

I never did like sharing.

But I am one of the many victims of this shift.  I went from being an Aquarius to being a Capricorn.  To visualize the ramifications:


Proud Firm Blue Buttocks


Apparently No Buttocks At All.

And that’s nothing compared to what happens to the people who are now being housed in a new, thirteenth (lucky number!) sign: Ophiuchus.

Which sounds like a name invented by this guy to describe some kind of aggressive rash in the general belt-line area.

That’s the last thing I want to hear from a woman at a bar.  What’s your sign?  Ophiuchus.  I’m so sorry.  How contagious is that?

Is it, for example, as catchy as this guy’s song?

Anyway, here’s a breakdown of the new dates so you can find your new sign.

Capricorn – Jan 20 to Feb 16
Aquarius – Feb 16 to Mar 11
Pisces – Mar 11 to Apr 18
Aries – Apr 18 to May 13
Taurus – May 13 to Jun 21
Gemini – Jun 21 to Jul 20
Cancer – Jul 20 to Aug 10
Leo – Aug 10 to Sep 16
Virgo – Sep 16 to Oct 30
Libra – Oct 30 to Nov 23
Scorpius – Nov 23 to Nov 29
Ophiuchus – Nov 29 to Dec 17
Sagittarius – Dec 17 to Jan 20

I’ll wrap up by wiping away a tear and waving a fond farewell to my former sign.  I’ll never forget you, Aquarius.  I’ll always love you. 

To paraphrase White Lion, “Wait, Aquarius, Wait, I never had the chance to lover you.”



3 comments on “I Am Not a Goat

  1. OMG! I am now an AQUARIUS!!! How much MORE change can I take at this age?

  2. I don’t care what they say. I read a general description of Capricorns. I’m an Aquarius.

  3. I also have the proud firm blue buttocks.

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