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Why do I have heartburn? I know one guy who thinks the answer is “Aliens.”

Ithaca, New York is known

Not at a Tila Tequila level, maybe, but known in some circles

for many things:

Cornell University

Being the place where Nabakov wrote Lolita

He was probably thinking about an underage girl when this was taken.

Being the North American Seat of the Dalai Lama.

Twelfth son of the Lama

But soon it may very well be known as the cradle of crazy thanks to one man:

Giorgio Tsoukalos.

He will never look this sane again.

Giorgio did not graduate from Cornell, but he is a proud alum of Ithaca College, the other place of higher learning in Ithaca.

Who is Giorgio, you may ask?

He is the bright, shining light behind the Ancient Aliens television show on the History Channel, where every important advance or architectural marvel ever made by humanity was the result of alien intervention.

Also at least two Roland Emmerich films.

You name it, aliens are responsible for it.

The Pyramids?

Aliens.

The Statues at Easter Island?

Aliens.

Will Smith’s Career?

Aliens.

Mitt Romney‘s immaculately manicured lawn?

Aliens. Though Giorgio is kinda right on that one, isn’t he?

So what exactly did this fount of all things alien study in college?  Biology? Astronomy? Creative Writing?

Sports Information and Communication. Alien Sports Information and Communication, I presume.

The most amazing quality about Giorgio is his hair.  As the season have gone by, his hair has grown more … MORE.  Check out the difference between the first and second picture above.  The progress has gone on undeterred.  It’s almost as if he thinks the return of aliens (probably with the intention of building some kind of solid gold pyramid) can be greatly hastened if he just uses enough hair gel.

Please come soon, aliens. I don’t know if he can take much more.

I’d say it would be amusing to see him take a Rorschach test, but it would be too predictable.

Let me guess. Alien.

Sigh.  Well.  At least you can admire his devotion to his crazy.  It’s made him kind of an icon.

Like Hugh Hefner meets Charles Manson.

When will the madness stop?

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