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Sweet Sassafras, There Aren’t Enough Curse Words in the World

Full disclosure here:  naughty words and their use in pop culture will be discussed in this post.  If you’re one of the .00001% who are still upset by reading four-letter words, then read no further and take your pure, virgin eyes elsewhere.

I’m sure you can find “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs on TVLand if you go now.

All right, it’s about to start, still some time to turn away if you’re a little slow on the uptake…

Last warning…

Okay, so what is up with curse words nowadays?  I’m talking largely–though not exclusively–about your standard set: “shit, fuck, piss, cunt, tits, cocksucker, motherfucker.”  You know, the George Carlin words.

And clearly this guy knows his shit.

Carlin had his bit about how powerful those seven words had to be because they were the only ones selected out of hundred and hundreds of thousands of words in the English Language to be censored.

Meanwhile “Putang” can’t even get the Rock to raise his eyebrow, and he raises his eyebrow for every damn thing.

Of course, Carlin’s list is hardly comprehensive.  There are many other words out there that are loaded with negative connotations, whether they be sexist (bitch, whore, tramp), racist (kike, nigger, chink) or just flat out dumb (retarded, Charlie-Sheen-esque).

The jury is still out on whether Sheen has tainted the word “winning” forever. He has not, however, tarnished tiger’s blood. Even he doesn’t have that power.

And people still get upset about them.  Very upset.

I had to run quite quickly away from these fine folks after they overheard me complimenting a friend’s female dog once.

And I can’t say that I’m a huge fan myself of these words.  Not because I’m particularly offended by them (I’m fairly blasé  about such things) but because they have all been used oh so many times.

I once received an e-mail forward (as I’m sure 90% of the computer using population has) that gushed about the versatility of the word fuck, how it could be used as different parts of speech and to describe so many things.  I hated this e-mail.  Firstly, because I–in general–hate mass e-mails.

Seriously, they’re the electronic equivalent of giving fruitcake. Don’t be that guy. I don’t want to hear about how angels are real, either. How is it that a person can know me well enough for me to give them my e-mail address and yet still think I want to hear about that shit?

And Secondly, because it’s flat out untrue.  It isn’t using a versatile word, it’s being lazy.  Communication benefits from clarity of thought.  If you use the word “fuck” a dozen times in a paragraph you are sacrificing precision.  And you aren’t being clever or creative, two more strikes against you.

This umpire was counting correctly. That’s three strikes and you’re out.

Thankfully not everyone is that lazy.  Can you imagine some of the most classic lines of movies if they were approached with that kind of attitude?

The horror. The fucking horror.

Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful fucking friendship.

Frankly, my fuck-bunny, I don’t give a shit.

None of them are as impactful as the original.

Although, as Michael Bay could tell you, the original movies could use a few more explosions.

Which is why I prefer the fairly creative, not-quite curse words.  You know.  Like Sweet Sassafras.  Hot Damn.  Jiminy Christmas.

Sufferin’ Succotash!

Where have you gone, Sylvester?  Where have you gone?

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