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Even in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is likely a pirate.

Of course, this isn’t how the proverb more famously goes.

Though maybe it should.

The true proverb is:  In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.  In today’s less colorful vernacular, this sentiment would more likely be expressed as, “You ain’t all that, but you sure as shit look better next to the assholes you hang with.”

Which is why I usually hang with these guys. Nothing makes my heart go aflutter more than being told I’m the least ugly dude in my crew.

It is also an apt way of describing why Roy Hibbert, a middling decent performer in the NBA, is worth $14.5 million  a year.

At 7-foot-2, that is about $168,000 per inch each year.

That’s a lot of money to spend on a guy who’s production isn’t significantly better than that of Zaza Pachulia.

$57,000 of beautiful man per inch each year.

And stepping away from the basketball world we get:

Ms. Pederson, my strict high school Chemistry teacher at about $600 per inch.

Joe the Fireman, about $550 an inch… walking into buildings that are ON FIRE.

Now, I’m obviously not the first person to point out the huge discrepancy between the salaries of mediocre athletes and astonishingly awesome teachers, firemen, policemen, etc.  Nor will I be the last.  But when I read articles like this one, or a blog post like this one, I feel like I need to bring a little bit of snark to the discussion.

I call it getting my Colbert on.

What does that have to do with Roy Hibbert?  Not that much.  What does it have to do with piracy?

This badly photo-shopped image I found on Google suggests quite a lot.


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