Let me start off by apologizing to all the philosophers who arrived at this post thinking it was going to be a metaphysical musing on the creation of man. That isn’t my shtick.
No, I’m talking about how people find my site. There are a few obvious sources. I link to my Facebook and Twitter accounts. WordPress drives some people to my site as well. But those are boring sources and not worthy of further investigation.
No, I’m far more interested in the terms people use in search engines that lead them to me.
I will not post a full screen capture of the list (unlike my previous flag post) because this list is much, much longer.
But there are a couple of patterns that are easy to spot.
#1. Most people who view my site do it because a former rock and roller quit the biz and decided to start growing monster pumpkins.
Seventy-two different search phrases in all have been used to find the above image. It has accounted for over 1700 hits on my site or about one in every six hits total. I can’t blame people for being drawn to this image it is extraordinary.
2. A lot of people like penguins.
After Jim Martin the most common search items that drives people to my site are penguin related. Thirty-six search phrases have been used generating nearly 550 hits. And only two of those hits have been for the search term “horny penguin.” In my opinion, the male penguin in this picture (the one on the left… or right… or both… neither maybe?) is being a complete gentleman, but clearly not everyone on the internet agrees.
After those two there is a little more separation and no correlation between search terms and hits.
#3 (for hits) is (I imagine) lonely middle aged ladies pining for halcyon days and the former male sex figure of the late 70s, early 80s, Craig Stadler.
#2 for search terms (coming in two ahead of penguins with thirty-eight search items) and adding 178 hits to my page is the man, the myth, the legend: Mr. Pink.
Coming in fourth in number of search terms with twenty-eight, though tallying only fifty-nine hits, is variants of “Fat man on see-saw.”
So those are the big ones, though there are others that are more interesting to me.
1. More people have found my blog searching for my brother, Nate’s, name (5) than mine (3).
2. Not one, but two people found my site looking under the search term, “κοαλα βικιπαιδεια.” I choose to believe this means “sexy man with voice of angel and prowess of a god.”
3. Four poor, deranged individuals found my site when looking for “german oldermen pornstar.”
4. Three people found my site looking up “travestite shitzu.” When doing research for this post I did a search myself on that term and Google asked me if I had intended to look up “transvestite shih tzu.”
5. Three people found my site while looking for “singing vagina mouth.”
6. Three people found my site while looking for “smelly midget.”
7. Three people found my site looking for “slutty cougars*.”
*Yes, I know they were looking for hot, tan, mature ladies. So am I. I wish I had them on this site to provide for you, but…
8. Two folks came here looking under the term, “I am not a goat.”
9. Two people found my site looking for “naked carnies.”
10. And finally, two people found my site looking for “Batman half baboon.”
- No Horny Penguins Here (thedimlight.wordpress.com)