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Am I Wallace Shawn’s secret love child?

I heard there’s a horrible rumor going around and I feel obligated to examine it and dismiss it.  The rumor is that I am Wallace Shawn‘s secret love child from a forbidden romance he had while writing his play, “A Thought in Three Parts.”

During this period his hair looked quite… I don’t even know how to describe it. Poofy seems inadequate, yet somehow… right.

But, of course, you remember him more like this:

In his much more sedately-coiffed role as Vizzini in “The Princess Bride.”

Now, the suggestion that I’m the spawn of Shawn is absurd.  For one thing, my voice is at least two octaves deeper and I’ve got at least three inches on him up and many more inches on him sideways.  Moreover, I look absolutely nothing like him.  Absolutely.  Nothing.  Like.  Him.

I have at least 10% more hair.

So, please, whomever started this rumor, I beg you to stop.  Wallace Shawn is not my father.  The very notion is–in a word—I’ll let you say it, Wallace.

Besides, everyone knows my real secret father is this guy.


One comment on “Am I Wallace Shawn’s secret love child?

  1. OMG, when did Brad Pitt fill in for Siegfried Fischbacher?

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