Cleverbot.com is a web site where you can have a “conversation” with the computer program in lieu of talking to a real person. The site warns that, “PLEASE NOTE: Cleverbot learns from real people – things it says may seem inappropriate – use with discretion, and at YOUR OWN RISK PARENTAL ADVICE: Visitors never talk to a human, however convincing it is – the AI knows many topics – use ONLY WITH OVERSIGHT.”
This makes cleverbot.com seem much more impressive than it actually is. I recently tried to have a conversation with Cleverbot about the New York Yankees’ prospects for the second half of the season.
So, with no further ado, my conversation with Cleverbot.
User: Hey, Cleverbot. Did you miss me?
Cleverbot: I’m fine. And I did miss you!
User: Sweet. So, have you been following the Yankees at all?
Cleverbot: No I hate football.
User: Um, the Yankees play baseball.
Cleverbot: So you’re saying the Yankees are the Bluehats.
User: I don’t think I was saying that.
Cleverbot: Of course you don’t.
User: Hey, no need to get snippy.
Cleverbot: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be snippy. That’s why I put ‘*giggle*’.
User: You didn’t put ‘*giggle*’.
Cleverbot: I’ve never been to Anywhere. Where is it?
User: If you like.
Cleverbot: What do you think about?
User: The Yankees. I’m worried they won’t have enough pitching to make it through the second half of the season.
Cleverbot: Do you ever get jealous?
User: Of the Yankees? Sure. They’re all millionaires having sex with groupies and I’m talking to a computer.
Cleverbot: Potatoes can type?
User: Not that I’m aware of.
Cleverbot: As you are a machine, you are aware of nothing, thus that means nothing.
User: I’m a machine?!? It takes one to know…. Oh, I see what you did there. Clever, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Maybe you should try listening to to what I am saying.
User: Maybe you should answer my question about the Yankees.
Cleverbot: I’m not. I’m expecting standard.
User: I’m going to assume you’re having a second conversation that I’m not aware of, because that didn’t make any sense at all.
Cleverbot: Wow, well aren’t you just throwing grammar out the window.
User: And talking about throwing, do you think we’ll see Phil Hughes continue to pitch well for the Yankees?
Cleverbot: You talked about it first so you lost it first.
User: I agree. I think he’ll make it through okay.
Cleverbot: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
Cleverbot: Speaking of beans.
User: I wasn’t aware that ‘Beans’ was Qualls’ nickname. It’s very fitting.
Cleverbot: I was answering your question.
User: No, you weren’t. In fact you haven’t answered a single question I’ve asked. It’s like you’re A-rod after someone brings up performance enhancers.
Cleverbot: Maybe I am.
User: Wow, you mean I’m talking to A-Rod right now??!!!!
Cleverbot: I am you and you are me.
User: And you are A-Rod?
Cleverbot: We are one.
User: That explains why this conversation makes no sense!
Cleverbot: You are mean.
User: And you are no longer worth $30 million a year.
Cleverbot: We should hang out sometime.
User: I agree. But you’ll pay, okay?
Cleverbot: I’m sorry.
User: What? You make $30 million and I have to pay for drinks when we hang out?
Cleverbot: Lol, I’m not sure. What show is it?
User: Any show you want. I’m assuming there will be hookers?
Cleverbot: I’m not a bot. I’m a human, I cannot be created nor programmed. I am born, and I learn. Just as you are doing at the moment.
User: I’m going to take that as a yes on the hookers.
Cleverbot: Okay cool, nice to meet you HAL, you already know my name.
User: Dude, for free hookers you can call me whatever you want.
Cleverbot: I’m single.
User: And likely to stay so. The swinging bachelor lifestyle is so you!
Cleverbot: What do you like about them?
User: The Yankees? That they win, baby.
Cleverbot: That’s cruel!
User: You gotta be cruel to be kind. Peace out, A-rod!