When you’re a little kid and you’re met face to face with gross inequity…
you begin to make promises to yourself about how things will be different when you’re grown up and making the decisions.
And I was no different. I had PLANS.
But, of course, as the years go by these things seem less important and our focus changes to just getting by.
But recently I was rummaging through my things…
and I came upon an old list I had made when I was in junior high.
This list detailed three things I would change when I ruled the world.
3. Make sure everyone has a helicopter.
2. Nate will be nicer to me.
1. Pizza will be the only food people can eat.
Reflecting on this list I am shocked that it is so short and that I wasted one of my “rule the world” rules on something that many dudes do anyway…
But those were simpler times and I was far less mean-spirited.
So here is my greatly modified, adult(ish) version of my list of rules I would enact if I ruled the world:
3. Any one who admits to watching any of the “Real Wives” shows in public would be forced to live with the Real Wives.
2. You must laugh at my jokes.
1. Anyone who uses the word “literally” in an inappropriate manner has to spend a month in prison.
The world would be a better place. And now I’m going to go eat some ice cream because I’m so hot I’m figuratively melting.