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“Man, you sure like Tide.”

It seems like everyone nowadays is selling advertisement space in sports.  NASCAR and European Football have been doing it for years.

To paraphrase the inimitable Mitch Hedberg, Somebody really likes Tide.

But now the NBA is doing it, too.  The league has agreed to put sponsorship patches on their uniforms.

Which I think is akin to having a pledge pin on a uniform, but Flounder disagrees.

On a purely theoretical level this bothers me.  I mean, isn’t it enough that the advertisements take up so much time on television and are blared over loudspeakers when you’re at the game?

According to Alec Baldwin’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross, it sure the fuck isn’t. The fact that I used the word “fuck” only once in that statement indicates that I’m paraphrasing. That movie has more obscenities per line than any other movie in the history of film.

But it’s the wave of the future.  Sell, sell, sell.  Always be selling.  Even yourself.  Well, fuck it.  I’m all in.  I’m ready to be sponsored and reap the financial windfalls.

Honestly, I was hoping for a windfall of at least twenties, these singles make me feel like I’m in a strip club.

So, big companies, I’m ready.  Give me your logo.  I’ll plaster it on every single thing I write.  I’ll work your catchphrase into every single conversation I have.  I am ready to be your number one fan.

I already own a foam figure and miniature flag and everything.

So, Pepsi, Tide, Dyson, Motorola, whatever, give me a call.  We’ll do lunch.

“Waitress, I asked for these greens to be slathered in oil, you know like BP slathered the Gulf Coast. What? I thought you guys would like how I worked your company name into my order. Am I going to have to pay for this?”

This post brought to you by The Dim Light, where our motto is:  “Pay less; Ka more.”
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