If you’ve seen me recently (and had seen me before) you know that I’ve dropped a few pounds. For those who haven’t seen me and doubt my word I post these before and after pictures:
I don’t say this to brag. I’m not sure how entitled a person is to feel proud about such a thing. It seems to me the easiest way to lose a lot of weight is to gain too much in the first place.
This post is about something else. Namely, the way I am treated by others. The one thing you notice when you put on a few (dozen) pounds is that people start looking away like you’re the sun and they don’t have one of those viewfinders you would use to look at a solar eclipse.
It happens when you’re walking on the sidewalk, into work, everywhere.
I suppose it’s a natural reaction. There are some things in life we as human beings just aren’t prepared to look upon.
So, it’s understandable to some extent. It doesn’t make it any easier that first time you go to the supermarket and load up on health food and the teenager at the register takes a look at you and rolls their eyes.
But as someone who has had to deal with that kind of treatment for years, that really isn’t something I was unprepared for, and it didn’t stop me. What I was unprepared for was the moment when all that changed.
When the cashiers started making small talk with me and when people started meeting my eyes as I passed them on the sidewalk, that was odd.
And frankly it makes me a little uncomfortable. There is something to be said for being able to walk around without anyone really looking at you. It’s as close as you can get to the childhood dream of walking around invisible.
And it’s tiring. Smiling at people all the goddamned time… I don’t know how you skinny people do it. I don’t want to be friendly all the time!
It almost makes me want to gain the weight back.
But I guess I won’t do that. I’ll just have to suck it up. So if you run into me sometime and I’m less than awesome with you, please know that it isn’t because I think I’m too good for you, it’s that I’m so very tired. I apologize in advance.
On a separate, unrelated, note, I would like to thank the person who looked up my blog using the search item: “the light was on but it was dim craig leska.” You are part of a tiny minority and I hope you weren’t scared away by the hordes of search engine traffic on the Jim Martin/Faith No More thruway that runs directly down the center of my blog.
I would also like to give a shout-out to the web surfer who found me using the search term: “and i will remember your name and face on the way you are judged by the funhouse cast.” This is officially the longest search item ever to be used to find my blog. I hope you found something akin to what you were looking for, but since I’ve never posted anything on the song “None Shall Pass” by Aesop Rock, I suspect you didn’t.