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Open Letters

Ever since Living Colour came out with their catchy song, “Open Letter (to a Landlord)”

the concept of the open letter has fascinated me.  It is so passive aggressive…

If I ever were to become a super hero, I would totally be Passive Aggressive Man

…and yet they can be powerful and humorous.  Here are a few open letters I have posted to Facebook and Google+ over the past six months.

An open letter to my mailman: This is the second time you’ve misdelivered my neighbor’s adult magazine to my mailbox.  While I appreciate the thought, it is awkward for me to keep on hand delivering his porn.  Please discontinue this practice post haste.

An open letter to the gentleman tying his shoes on the corner of Cascadilla and Cayuga: Either suspenders or a belt will do wonders for your public ass-exposure problems. An arm’s length of rope will also work in a pinch.

Sincerely, a temporarily blinded pedestrian

An open letter to the pleasant but confused young woman who stopped me during my morning walk: Firstly, let me apologize. The way you went after receiving directions from me is the opposite of all known gas stations. Secondly, let me recommend that if left and right are interchangeable concepts for you that you shouldn’t stop someone on the street and get directions, you should get a GPS.

And finally, a WordPress Blog original open letter:

An open letter to the two drunks who were debating the merits of Drew Brees outside my window Sunday morning at about 3 AM: I don’t think that a single bad game should completely change your opinion of his ability.  It’s a long season and a proven veteran like Brees will no doubt bounce back and produce wins.  Also, if you have this–or any similar–argument right outside my bedroom window again I’m going to douse you with a bucket of mop water.

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